Thursday, July 28, 2005
prelimenary death
hello hello! i haven't touched a keyboard in eons! oh. the smoothness of the keys, the rolling effect of the mouse. it's so stimulating. (:
i'm at monica's house. was s'posed to meet maddy and haribos but it got cancelled. so yup. i'm slacking at samy's, although i should be mugging for the math paper tomorrow. oh well. i probably will later. just not now. now i'll just sit and stare into the monitor till i find something more interesting to do.
art's a killer. haven't touched it at all. don't want to. just staring at the canvas maks me want to rip it up. the materials so thin anyway. just a little tug and it'll tear,. but it's so friggin expensive lar! 20 bucks a piece?! and i have 3. this is serious shit man. i can't even paint for nuts. my colour coordination is fuck.
you know. i still can't believe gramps is gone. it was so sudden. well. actually it wasn't. i mean. i know i was mentally preparing myself for his departure. but the call. i wasn't expecting it at all. i didn't even believe it. i'm still living in oblivion. the guy in the coffin didn't look like him. he was so shrivelled and sunken. my gramps didn't look like that. i hated walking into the nursing home. it was like entering the twilight zone. time seriously felt as if it stopped. then there were people crying. it felt surreal. my mom completely lost it. she went ballistic. she was hysterical.
that was the closest i've been to a corpse. the blanket used to cover his body was the only thing that prevented me from staring into the face of a stranger. i didn't break down as much as i thought i would. i guess i'm still living my big lie bout him not being dead. oh well. sue me.
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i'm at monica's house. was s'posed to meet maddy and haribos but it got cancelled. so yup. i'm slacking at samy's, although i should be mugging for the math paper tomorrow. oh well. i probably will later. just not now. now i'll just sit and stare into the monitor till i find something more interesting to do.
art's a killer. haven't touched it at all. don't want to. just staring at the canvas maks me want to rip it up. the materials so thin anyway. just a little tug and it'll tear,. but it's so friggin expensive lar! 20 bucks a piece?! and i have 3. this is serious shit man. i can't even paint for nuts. my colour coordination is fuck.
you know. i still can't believe gramps is gone. it was so sudden. well. actually it wasn't. i mean. i know i was mentally preparing myself for his departure. but the call. i wasn't expecting it at all. i didn't even believe it. i'm still living in oblivion. the guy in the coffin didn't look like him. he was so shrivelled and sunken. my gramps didn't look like that. i hated walking into the nursing home. it was like entering the twilight zone. time seriously felt as if it stopped. then there were people crying. it felt surreal. my mom completely lost it. she went ballistic. she was hysterical.
that was the closest i've been to a corpse. the blanket used to cover his body was the only thing that prevented me from staring into the face of a stranger. i didn't break down as much as i thought i would. i guess i'm still living my big lie bout him not being dead. oh well. sue me.
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